Leaders in Waiting

"From Playground Leaders to Shadow Leaders: Unlocking Hidden Leadership Traits"

Leadership begins early. Often, the traits we associate with great leaders, such as assertiveness, confidence, and vision are visible long before adulthood. Think back to the child who always had a strong opinion, the one who could rally their friends on the playground, or the kid who seemed to challenge authority at every turn. These children don’t see themselves as leaders, yet their instincts reveal qualities that, if nurtured, can blossom into exceptional leadership.

But how often do these traits go unnoticed, misunderstood, or even silenced? The Child Who Is “Too Much”. In childhood, these budding leaders are often labelled as “bossy,” “pushy,” or “stubborn.” They speak their minds, question decisions, and refuse to back down from what they believe is right. And more often than not, they’re told to hush. “Stop being so loud.” “Don’t argue.” “Stay in your place.”

We think we’re teaching them manners or discipline, but what we’re doing is sending a message: Your strengths are a problem. In the rush to quiet them, we risk dimming their inner light, unintentionally teaching them to second-guess themselves. For some, this silencing creates lifelong patterns of holding back, fearing that their instincts will be seen as disruptive rather than valuable.

Of course, there are cultural differences. Some leadership traits may be appreciated differently across cultures, so what might be seen as “rude” or “pushy” in one society could be viewed as highly-positive traits in another. And, some cultures value collective decision-making and quiet influence over direct assertion, teaching us that leadership has many faces.

When These Children Grow Up

Fast forward a few decades. Those opinionated, assertive kids have grown into adults who bring the same traits to the workplace. But without guidance or encouragement, these traits often show up as shadow leadership skills, hidden abilities that even they may not recognize as strengths.

These adults might not have formal leadership roles, but their behaviours give them away. They offer suggestions in meetings, challenge inefficient processes, or quietly support their colleagues in moments of uncertainty. They push boundaries, not to disrupt, but to improve.

Yet, like in childhood, their actions may be misunderstood. Instead of being seen as leaders in waiting, they might be labelled as “difficult” or “overstepping.” Their colleagues may misinterpret their assertiveness as arrogance, their vision as impracticality, or their courage as insubordination. And once again, the environment risks silencing their strengths.

Shadow Leadership: The Hidden Potential

The concept of shadow leadership describes those who lead without title, authority, or recognition. These individuals don’t wait for permission to step up; they naturally influence others, drive change, and push for progress in subtle ways. But because they don’t fit the traditional mould of leadership, their skills often go unnoticed or undervalued.

When workplaces fail to see this hidden potential, they don’t just lose out on great ideas. They also risk creating an environment where morale drops, engagement declines, and innovation stalls. A person with unrecognized leadership traits may start to feel undervalued or frustrated, leading to disengagement. This is what I call a bleed - the loss of energy, enthusiasm, and trust that happens when someone’s strengths aren’t acknowledged.

Something powerful about authentic leadership has come to surface with digital disruption. We have seen a rise of leaders that thrive at bold, decisive action and others at thoughtful analysis, and then there are remarkable individuals who naturally embody both traits. These transformative and inspirational leaders challenge status quo systems with an assertive confidence and can also demonstrate deep, critical introspection on implementation challenges.

These hybrid leaders prove that authentic leadership is beyond fitting into either the 'bold' or 'thoughtful' box. It is about identifying and embracing your leadership strengths (the bag) and positioning the right support systems to strengthen your weaknesses while investing in advancing your leadership skills.

Organizations often make the mistake of binary thinking which may mean pressuring leaders to conform to simplified stereotypes instead of recognizing that progressive and effective leaders may already blend these qualities in their unique way. Digital transformation creates diverse leadership moments - from challenging status quo systems to ensuring thorough adoption planning. Some leaders may naturally excel at specific aspects, while others seamlessly flow between approaches. Forcing leaders into predetermined styles may suppress authentic self-expression, diminish diverse perspectives, and can cause real psychological harm when people feel pressured to be someone they're not. This is fundamentally problematic. To genuinely recognise and nurture authentic leadership voices, we will need to learn to celebrate the individual as a leader, whether that voice speaks in one tone or many.

Breaking the Cycle: Recognizing Leadership at Every Stage

Whether we’re raising children or managing adults, the same principle applies: we must learn to lean into people’s bags of strengths rather than silencing them for their perceived weaknesses.

Here’s how we can nurture leadership at every stage of life:

1. Reframe “Difficult” Behaviors

● When a child seems “bossy,” reframe it as showing initiative or confidence. When an employee challenges a decision, see it as an opportunity for collaboration rather than conflict. The language we use shapes how we see people and how they see themselves.

2. Create Spaces for Leadership

● Leadership grows with practice.

Assigning small responsibilities to children, like planning a family outing or leading a classroom project, helps build and strengthen leadership skills. For adults, this could mean assigning team members to lead on specific tasks, train or mentor colleagues, or take ownership of small projects.

● Isn't it time to move beyond traditional fixed leadership roles like prefects and class monitors that often favour one type of leader in school environments? Instead, mindful and forward-thinking educators are implementing rotating leadership opportunities that allow every student to discover and develop their authentic leadership voice. Yes, some students might naturally shine when leading class discussions, and others may succeed at coordinating group projects or mentoring peers. Rotating these responsibilities helps students identify their leadership strengths while teaching that leadership is not about fitting a predetermined mold. Instead, it's about finding our authentic way to contribute to bigger picture.

● This same principle applies in the workplace through rotating 'project lead' or ‘rotating supervisor’ roles within teams. This approach allows team members opportunities to manage projects, lead teams and coordinate different initiatives. It creates a 'triple win' as it empowers diverse leadership styles, promotes the inclusion of fresh, unique perspectives and varied approaches, and often leads to more innovative and collaborative solutions. When different voices take the lead, teams benefit as hidden talents emerge.

3. Acknowledge Strengths Openly

● Whether it’s a child’s curiosity or an employee’s persistence, name the traits you see and celebrate them. Acknowledgement helps people lean into their strengths with confidence.

4. Provide Emotional Intelligence Training

● Teach children and adults alike how to balance assertiveness with empathy, vision with collaboration, and confidence with humility. Emotional intelligence is the foundation of effective leadership.

5. Watch for the Bleeds

● Pay attention to shifts in behaviour or morale. Is a child becoming quieter or less confident? Is an employee disengaging from meetings or withdrawing from conversations? These are signs that their light may be dimming, and a reminder to step in with support.

A Shared Responsibility

Leadership doesn’t begin with a title; it begins with a spark. That spark can be seen in a child who isn’t afraid to speak up or an employee who quietly leads from the shadows. But if we fail to nurture that spark, we risk losing it entirely.

It’s up to us as parents, educators, managers, and colleagues to see people for who they are and who they could become. To nurture their strengths, validate their efforts, and create environments where their inner lights can shine. Because when we support the leaders of tomorrow, we ensure a future filled with bold, compassionate, and innovative leadership.

And, isn’t that the kind of world we all want to live in?